Wine Violence-A Poem by Ben Sherwin

Should a wine jump from the glass
as I've seen in people's notes?
Should it punch you in the nose
or grab you by the throat?

Is it safe to drink a wine
that makes you shake and stammer?
Will it leap out from your Riedel
and hit you like a hammer?

Don't get me wrong dear reader,
I don't want a wine that's silent.
I just wonder why so many notes
are so unbelievably violent!

Ssam I Am-A poem (with a nod to Theodor Geisel)

Bo Ssam
Ssam I Am.

That big Bo Ssam,
that big Bo Ssam.
Who doesn't like roasted pork (or ham)?


I do not like that big Bo Ssam.
I would rather eat a tin of Spam.
Would you like it with Sine Qua Non?
No, I do not drink that stuff, mon.
Wait I didn't know you were Jamaican.
No, I'm not. I was only faking.

Would you eat it with A. de Mello?
He's brought SQN, what a nice fellow.
Would you eat it with Michel A b o o d?
He's brought a yummy Moutard, dude.
Would you eat with Jorge Henriquez?
He's bringing old Riesling (or so he says).
Would you eat it with our friend Izzy?
His '85 Charlie has us in a tizzy.

I will not eat your big Bo Ssam.
I will not eat one little gram.

Try this '00 A Cappella, it is surely good
and it even goes real well with this food.
It's concentrated and extracted for sure, yes,
but this wine is certainly no alcoholic mess.
It shows the pretty Shea fruit quite well
which you can see from the first smell.
It has no lack of acidic nerve
and the fruit is bright with lots of verve.
It opened up to show some nice depth to it.
(A wine that Levenberg might not even spit.)

I will not eat your big Bo Ssam.
Frankly, I don't give a damn.

What about the Heidsieck Charlie '85?
It's vaguely mature and really alive.
You would like the green apples and yeast
and the appealing nuttiness last but not least.
The middle I must admit was a little fat,
but I would not not drink it for that!
It's holding up well by any measure
and should give you years of drinking pleasure.
It was really refreshing should you have a dram
with your heaping big plate of delicious Bo Ssam.

I will not eat your big Bo Ssam.
Of that quite certain I am.

Here is a wine I should have offered first!
Here is a Williams-Selyem from the vineyard of Hirsch!
The vintage is nineteen hundred ninety and nine
and that silky Pinot Noir sure tastes fine.
Great structure and sappiness that I must ask you
is not Hirsch Vineyard comparable to Grand Cru?
Supple black cherry fruit and a hint of spice
and a line of acidity carries the fruit nice.
It would go well with duck or lamb
or with a big heaping plate of delicious Bo Ssam.

I will not eat your big Bo Ssam.
Now I ask you politely to scram!

You don't want these? Well, I have a fix.
How about a Riesling from 1976?
The Dr. Bürklin-Wolf Wachenheimer Gerümpel Riesling Auslese
Is easier to drink than it is to say, sir.
With petrol on the nose and juicy fruit
it showed a great minerality to boot.
It was relaxed and mature, no danger of morbidity,
although it lacked some cutting acidity.
It would be good for any guy or ma'am
to drink this with their delicious Bo Ssam.

I will not eat your big Bo Ssam.
I have a feeling this is some kind of scam.

If you don't like those, this would be swell,
a 1990 Savennieres from Domaine du Closel.
I admit there was a little oxidation on the nose
although I would happily drink much more of those.
The 2006 Naucratis from Scholium was also a trip.
I guessed Sauv Blanc from the very first sip.
There may have been some Roussanne in there too,
but Abe won't say and I won't ask-would you?
The Moutard Grand Cuvee was appealing to me
and it was quite complex for the simple NV.
Any of these would work in a jam
when deciding what to eat with delicious Bo Ssam.

Fine, you win, although it may be a scam,
I will try some of your plate of Bo Ssam.
Say, this is amazing stuff!
Of it I simply can't eat enough.
So I will eat it with deMello and Abood
and to not include Izzy would surely be rude
and I will eat it with Jorge and Patty
and the other two women whose names now escape me
I DO SO LIKE DELICIOUS BO SSAM
Thank you, thank you, Ssam I Am.

Dinner at Ruths's Chris in NYC (A Dirge in the Form of a Limerick)

Unfortunately the wine list revealed
nothing good but an overpriced Rothschild.
Do we save money with Oz
and order a Shiraz?
Honestly nothing else quite appealed.

So we went with the Art Series from Leeuwin
which showed oak and some fruit that was stewing,
plus a little more than a hint
of eucalyptus or mint.
Quite frankly it's not a wine worth pursuing.

Still as spoofilated as it was
We ordered another bottle because
sometimes you will trade
a wine that's well-made
for a serious alcoholic buzz.

OUCH!-a Poem by Ben Sherwin

Ouch! I dropped a bottle,
dropped a bottle on the floor.
It almost broke my foot I say
when I opened the cellar door.

Ouch! I dropped a bottle,
it was one that I adored,
and let's just say it isn't one
that everyone can afford.

Ouch! I dropped a bottle;
it dropped for heaven's sake.
I only thank the Lord above
that that bottle didn't break.

Confessions of a Wine Buyer-a Poem by Ben Sherwin

There are myriad wines to buy
from a variety of nations,
but if I don't jump this offer
then the train will leave the station.

How many times have I spoken
those sad and mournful words of dread
either to my fellow wine geeks
or to those voices in my head?

Sure, I'm a bit tapped out this month,
but there's a wine I have to taste.
So, I'll just get a small amount;
nothing more than a single case.

As I sit with tons of mailers,
deciding which one has to go,
I instead go on to Winebid
and quickly backfill old Bordeaux.

Not that I can't be reasonable.
I turn down offers by the pile.
Why I just turned down some Rayas
(but I thought about it for awhile).

It all goes smooth in February
when the checking account is flush,
but things get tight in September
and November is just a crush.

Has this all become a sickness?
Surely, my wife thinks I'm a nut.
I'm just hoping she doesn't hire
someone to kick my butt.

Still, nothing seems to stop me from
jumping on the next "special" deal.
So, I'll go back and year on year
keep on spinning the hamster wheel.